Posts Tagged ‘ twitter ’

Local Grandma to Cash in on Betty White Craze

Flint, MI – Citing reduced admiration and affection from her grandkids, area grandmother Eunice Patterson has decided to reinvigorate their love by finding a way to piggyback off the fame of 88-year-old actress and comedienne Betty White.  “They didn’t like the cookies I brought them last week and they didn’t even say thank you.  All they could talk about was Betty White on Saturday Night Live and how great she was,” said Patterson.  “I heard about some sort of  program that broadcasts everyone, on the internets.  The YouTubes I think it was called.  Maybe I’ll audition to get on there.”

Eunice doing her George Burns impression

Eunice isn’t quite sure how YouTube works or what it is exactly, but she says that if it will make her grandkids pay attention to her then she’s willing to try it.  “I bet it’s something similar to that show Bob Seger hosted years ago, Hilarious Candid Moments, or something like that,” Eunice told a couple nearby reporters.  “Is it at all like Tweeter or The Facesite Jason and Brandon mentioned last week?  Do you think they would accept 8mm film?”   Eunice’s grandkids were indifferent to her plan to get into mass media.  “Who would watch an old lady like grandma telling some poorly filmed jokes?” said her grandson Jason.  “She doesn’t own a computer, so this should be fairly interesting.”  As we went to press, Eunice was seen putting a Betamax tape in an envelope and then searching the Yellow Pages for YouTube’s mailing address.


Unemployed Man Gets Blackberry

Kenosha, WI – In an attempt to appear busy, out of work cheese factory employee Dennis Wykhoff has upgraded his mobile phone to a Blackberry.  “People with jobs have Blackberries,” Dennis said.  “I figure if I have the phone, the job will follow.  Also, I can check Facebook everywhere now!”

Dennis doing something useless

Dennis’ friends report that he is constantly on the phone.  “He says that he’s checking emails and looking at stocks,” said ex-coworker James Gilbert. “Who the hell is emailing him?  He’s just updating Facebook or tweeting something nobody cares about.” James added,  “All I know is that he always puts that damn thing on the bar when we go out for drinks and stares at it instead of shooting the shit with us.  It’s made him a drone.”  Dennis does not want to hear any criticism of his potentially poor fiscal decision.  “What were you saying?  I just got a BBM.”

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