Posts Tagged ‘ terrorism ’

Man Honors 9/11 Victims with Facebook Status

Syosset, NY – In honor of the ninth anniversary of the most destructive terrorist attack ever on American soil, Tom Grant has decided that the best way that he can show his support is through updating his Facebook status.  “I’ve got 350 or so friends, this is a good way to let them know that I’ve still remembered this tragic event,” said Grant.  “I figure it’s literally the least I can do.”  Grant has been unable to decide between a number of status messages that he thought would be appropriate.  He said they’ve ranged from the simplicity of just “USA” to a longer heartfelt narrative on his appreciation for the troops.  Grant isn’t sure which would garner the most ‘Likes’ and comments from his friends.

Tom agonizing over his status

“I figure something short and sweet is easy.  I’ll probably go with ‘Never Forget,’ that’s concise and everyone will know what it means.” Tom told a group of gathered reporters.  “I just hope at least three or four people click the ‘Like’ button and at least one person comments.  I’m not putting this out there for nothing!”  As we went to press, Tom was considering changing his profile picture to an American flag, a bald eagle, or the Twin Towers to elicit a bigger response.


Capitalism, Freedom Declared Enemies of America

Washington, DC – Two founding tenets of American life are now under fire for their role in the Oklahoma City Bombing, the USS Cole attack, and 9/11, among others.  In a televised address, President Barack Obama today officially announced his administration was taking the threat a capitalistic and free society – two founding principles of America – poses very seriously.  “We’ve carefully considered these national security risks, and have realized that we are the greatest threat to ourselves. Terrorists are not a problem for America; our own way of life is to blame.  These two social mores are enemy combatants within our own country,” declared Obama.

Obama speaking freely

“Obviously, any aspect of our lives that insights anger from nations abroad needs to be eliminated,” Obama continued.  “Frankly, I’m surprised action was not taken to curb these obvious problems after the bombing of Pearl Harbor.”  It is anticipated that President Obama will issue a number of executive orders in the coming days to reduce the peril caused by the values that make the American Dream possible.  Expected changes include increasing government involvement in business, domestic troops to maintain order, and a fresh constitution to replace the dated 223-year-old original.

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