Mine Hill, NJ – Local resident Carl Swinson today told an assembled group of reporters that he may soon have to purchase some cotton garments. Even though cotton has been regularly used for over 8,000 years, Carl says the television commercial he saw featuring musician Leona Lewis has finally sold him on it. “I always thought polyester, or possibly wool, would be the one and only fabric of my life, but after a commercial like that, I think cotton could now have a chance to take over,” Carl said. “It just looks so light and breezy, I bet it’s soft!” Carl also said that seeing Leona singing about the benefits of cotton in a variety of settings, including a closet, near a horse, and at a swanky party were key factors in swaying his opinion of the fabric so old that Alexander the Great had used it.
“I did a little further research after the commercial,” Carl continued. “Apparently, George Costanza had the Yankees’ uniforms switched to cotton in an episode of Seinfeld. It’s been in pop culture for decades, where have I been?” Carl says that his normal shirts chafe his nipples and aggravate his skin. He said he hopes that if he were to buy a cotton shirt it would stop the irritation as well as accentuate his muscular physique better than his current clothing. As we went to press, Carl was on his way out to Walmart to buy a six-pack of cotton t-shirts so he could finally “see what all the fuss is about.”