Posts Tagged ‘ Cars ’

Local Man Hires Alleged Rapist to Wax Car

Hill Valley, CA – Citing his role in helping him ultimately meet his wife, local man George McFly once again hired auto detailer Biff Tannen to wax his family’s vehicles.  “Oh I’ve known Biff for years,” said McFly.  “Sure, he bullied me throughout high school and tried to violate my future wife the night of the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance, but he does a hell of a job waxing a car!”  Biff’s Auto Detailing has been serving Hill Valley for over 10 years, and in that time has built up a loyal customer base.  Most customers tend to prefer Biff’s “Two Coat” service as various reports suggest that two coats of wax really bring out a nice, glossy sheen.

Biff starting the second coat

“Yep, people love getting their cars waxed,” said Tannen.  “I’m only glad to help.  It shows how good I am at my job that Mr. McFly would hire me.  I mean, I made him stay out of the café and forced him to do my homework all through school.  Oh, and one time I tried to rape his current wife.”  When asked if she felt uncomfortable with having Biff around the house so frequently, as the McFly’s get their cars waxed every week, Lorraine McFly nodded.  She said that Biff was never convicted of attempted rape of her or arrested for destroying the town square in a wild chase with Calvin Klein a few days earlier.  “Biff did about eight things the week before the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance that should have gotten him arrested, yet he always got off scot free.  What’s the deal with that?”  As we went to press, sources reported that Biff is trying to save up his money from the auto detailing business to open a small casino, a lifelong dream of his.

Miata: The Answer to Every Question

I was published in Jalopnik’s Next Top Car Blogger contest. Please clicky the linky and check it out!

Jalopnik

1997 Chrysler Sebring Still Running

Auburn Hills, MI –Chrysler Chairman C. Robert Kidder announced at a press conference earlier today that one 1997 Chrysler Sebring in the US was still being driven regularly.  “It’s a testament to the quality of the Chrysler product when a vintage car like that is still used as a daily driver,” Kidder said.  “Just think: this car is on its third president, has seen the wars in both Iraq and Afghanistan, and has crossed parts of two millennia!  Who said America builds cars that don’t last?”

Vintage Chrysler (File Photo)

The car in question, a champagne 1997 Sebring LXi with 165,432 miles, is currently owned by Tom DeFerran of Spartanburg, South Carolina.  When reached for comment, DeFerran said the car was his by default.  “My parents gave it to me for free.  No way in hell I’d have paid money for it,” he told reporters.  “I’m pretty cheap and this car gets me to my job at Wal Mart most of the time.  That’s good enough.”  Not to be outdone, General Motors issued a press release saying they had found a pair of 1993 Pontiac Trans Sports in a Detroit junkyard that “would probably start up after a little tinkering.”

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