Sheboygan, WI – Local man Thomas Becker has confirmed that he is confounded by spoken language and how it affects the deaf-mute community. Becker, who was born with paralyzed vocal chords and no eardrums, has written prolifically about how he thinks speaking is overrated. “It may just be my condition, but what’s really the point of talking?” Becker wrote. “Writing is concise and meaningful; there’s no added fluff. When I watch TV, the captions tell me that the people are talking about nothing of any importance whatsoever.” Added Becker, “I just don’t get it.”
Becker’s friends said that he has been unwilling to even try and change his viewpoint. “We’ve tried to get him to understand what’s so great about casually chatting with each other, but he always just gives a blank stare and then writes an angry note about ‘not hearing us,’” said longtime acquaintance James Bogues. “I guess half the fun of hanging out with Thomas is making fun of him to his face and he can’t hear or respond to it. Actually, that’s really all the fun actually, since he has never added anything useful to any conversation, ever.” Thomas has also unrepentantly criticized Helen Keller for setting their kind back hundred of years. “Helen made everyone have unrealistic expectations of those of us that can’t talk,” Becker wrote. “She was such a bitch…I bet she wasn’t really disabled. How can a blind-deaf-mute be a motivational speaker?” Becker has gotten through the last 30 years of his life without talking, and reportedly doesn’t plan to undergo experimental surgery to fix his vocal chords. When asked why, Becker responded by punching his notepad, breathing heavily, and making a slight grunting noise as his pen had run out ink.