Snooki Finds Biological Parents

Seaside Heights, NJ – After years of searching, adopted Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has been able to track down her biological mother and father with some help from MTV.  Her birth parents, Frank and Dawn Loompawitz, work in the factory of chocolate magnate Willy Wonka.  “We were young, had a wild night, and then a kid we couldn’t support,” said Frank.  “The only responsible choice was to give her up so she could lead a respectable life.”  Nicole’s parents said that their jobs in Wonka’s factory had long hours and low pay, and they felt they wouldn’t be able to provide Nicole with the advantages she deserved.  “I always dreamed our little girl would be a doctor,” said Frank.  “Maybe that’s how she had the resources to find us…”

Snooki's parents

The jobs in the factory even made them lose touch with the outside world.  “We work all the time and don’t own a TV or a computer,” Dawn said.  “We’re pretty disconnected, so when a camera crew showed up to bring us to Nicole, we were so surprised.  I bet she hosts a talk show or is a major news correspondent!”  Snooki was relieved that MTV was able to help her find her parents.  “I’m so excited that I finally found them.  I just can’t wait to meet them so they can see what a success I am!” shouted Snooki after a mid day shot of tequila.  When told they worked at Wonka’s factory, Snooki said it didn’t surprise her:  “I always say that I don’t tan…my skin is natural!  I guess that’s also why I love sucking on Gobstoppers for hours at a time.”

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    • Anonymous
    • July 30th, 2011

    this is stupid.

    • Anonymous
    • August 30th, 2012

    this is more than just stupid. People have nothing to do i cant believe this. Stop the sh—– I love Snooki and Her Fiance. et a Life.

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