Hungover Girl Declares Lights Too Bright

Jennifer has to get off the train

Secaucus, NJ- After a night of heavy drinking and loud music, local woman Jennifer Colletti has announced that the lights on the NJ Transit Midtown Direct train are too bright. “Wow, does anyone else find these a bit extreme? Shouldn’t they be on a dimmer?” Jennifer asked. “I’d close my eyes but my eyelids hurt.” The previous night’s activities, which included shots, beers, dancing, karaoke, and a number of unintended trips to the floor, were not balanced with an equal or greater amount of water. The dehydrated condition that resulted, commonly referred to as a hangover, is known to have side effects ranging from a slight headache to total incapacitation. Much like the common cold, there is no definitive cure for a hangover. However, Jennifer tried some of the most common home remedies (Advil, chugging water, and a greasy breakfast) and reported they have done nothing to ease her discomfort and have actually made her feel worse. As we went to press, Jennifer was contemplating vomiting in a nearby Solo cup.

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