Vice President Biden Wins Big on Horse Race

East Rutherford, NJ – After a tense 2 minutes of racing late Saturday, Vice President Joe Biden held an impromptu press conference to announce that his long shot bet had paid off handsomely. “Everyone was saying not to put my lucky $2 bill down on Shooting Star, a 14:1 shot, but it was a risk I had to take,” Biden told the small, captive audience as he held a freshly poured pint of Coors Light. “No more long necks for me, just draughts tonight. Hey sugar, let me set you up with some buffalo wings and a fresh pack of smokes! What’s your brand?” Biden told Long Island mother of two April Jones, who had encouraged him to make the initial bet. “Nothing can stop me tonight, let’s keep this thrill ride going!” Biden was later seen sobbing on the bar as 20:1 shot Little Foot, the horse he tried to continue his “hot streak” with, had broken it’s leg out of the gate.

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